Youth
I grew up in a time of freedom, enjoying the birth and development of technology. There was no Facebook, no Instagram and the Internet arrived into my home later on when I was about 9 or 10 and I remember that I had to connect via dial up after 10 o’clock at night as it was cheaper, way less cheaper than the Internet during daytime. 😀
There was no popularity over the internet or who had more followers or likes. We were just popular in our own classrooms or schools and whatever we did in camps or lunch breaks lasted just in our memories.
We were not so exposed and we didn’t care at all of how we looked at 12. We listened to rock music and loved to wear black Metallica T-shirts with painted and torn jeans over and over again, without having to care that we will have the same outfit two days in a row and that our selfies will look the same. No one cared! And this made life easier indeed.
My Body was Always Right
One thing is for sure: my body was right when I was a kid – without any doubt! It was right even at 10, 11, 12, 14 years old. It was always right. I grew up in a society that was not obsessed with its image. In a society where there weren’t so many ads, not many fashion magazines and even if they were, the focus was not on the body. Or at least, this is how I remember it. This is my own experience. I don’t remember feeling bad about my body until I was 18.
I was a skinny girl, tall, looking good until I was 14. Then with all the hormones and when my menstruation kicked in, my body started to change. I was a bit round in my high-school years. Not so much as I was still tall, but quite round for my age. And still, I didn’t know it. I felt good! I felt gorgeous, stunning, beautiful and could conquer everything and everyone. I could even have eaten all the cake I wanted, as I was GORGEOUS! I was lucky enough to have amazing high-school colleagues and teachers who were more inclined to care and value what you think than how you look.
…was it?
I do remember though in the 9th grade, my Latin teacher called me to the black table and I began writing something on the table and as I lifted up my arm, my white shirt lifted and my upper hips were exposed along with a peek of my underwear from the way I got up in a hurry. Instead of telling me nicely to cover it, I remember even now that she made a very rough comment on my body weight. I think that was one of the first times when I heard that something was “not right” with my body. It is crazy when you think it can also come from a teacher and not necessarily a colleague…
Years went by and I was preparing myself for Drama University in Bucharest, Romania. I went there to enroll for the admissions and all of the sudden, I saw all these thin tall girls with long hair – the ballerina types. I didn’t feel so gorgeous anymore! Suddenly, my confidence was shattered.
Maybe we were living in an isolated city, spoiled by our parents, neighbors, teachers, colleagues, friends, not knowing exactly how and when reality will kick in. Maybe the internet nowadays breaks those boundaries and shows children how reality really is. It may be rough, yes, but on the other hand you know that you compete with the whole world with many talented and smart people and not just with a small town or 100 other children. Maybe they are more prepared. I wasn’t.
I flunked my first exam. I was terrible. I didn’t know how to move, how to talk, my whole confidence said ‘Bye, girl! You’re on your own!’
