Confidence is not something that you can earn over night. It takes years and years of work and practice and you may still not be 100% confident every day. The greatest people in the world lack confidence at a point or another and you can easily see that even at big events, red carpets or public speeches.
We have to remember that we are all humans and we are all going through the same emotions.
We all feel uncomfortable. But there are some tricks that may make you feel better and more confident.
1. Love yourself
Or at least like yourself! There is something that happens in our teens that most of the time breaks this likeness. As a child you will mostly feel beautiful, special, unique, but as a young man or woman your body starts to change, your peers start to be meaner and most of the time you will feel uncomfortable, unwanted, unliked and so on.
We all go through this and no other teen is more special, but of course YOU the think that the world begins and ends with you. So the key is to start liking back yourself, your body and the way your turned up after all. Think about what you don’t like…
Write down what you don’t like. Think if you really don’t like it or someone else told you that something is not to be liked. Maybe your partner, a friend, media? But do YOU really think something is wrong?
Then, for every thing that you don’t like, write down 2 things that YOU LIKE!
2. Break all the self-limiting beliefs
Do you remember when as a child you felt that you could conquer the world?
That you are invincible?
A superhero, a queen or whatever your imagination could create! What happened?
School, parents, teachers, adults in general who lost their own beliefs now try to pass on their beliefs or society’s beliefs to you. They think it’s good, “right”, but in fact these will all limit you and most of the times will steal your confidence.
Write down what are your own limits and think of ways to break those, to step into the unknown and uncomfortable.
Most of the times you will be amazed of what you can achieve.
3. Overcome your fears
Fear and stress are actually positive reactions that happen to our bodies, as they may let us know that we are in danger, that we should run or that we have to be focused and accomplish a certain task in the best way possible and in the quickest way.
But we all see them as negative, because we go on and built up scenarios on these feelings.
So it’s not about the fear itself, but about what might happen…
The fear of failing! This is what cripples you.
Sometimes the fear is real and terrifying consequences might exist. But most of the time, it is all about our fear of failing. Our fear of looking bad in front of others! Tripping and falling!
We create all sorts of silly situations that are unlikely to happen and even if they do, so what?
What’s the worst thing?
Just think about it: will you survive? Will you laugh about it in 5 years? If the answer is YES, then do it!
4. Learn to read people
Ok, so we’ve worked on YOU and know it’s time to work on OTHERS!
This is an easy thing to do if you learn some tricks and practice. It will offer you an incredible advantage and will make you feel more comfortable!
Have you seen the TV show “Lie to me”? You should because it is all about reading people!
It portrays Paul Ekman, a renowned psychologist who studies facial expressions. He went to Papua New Guinea to study micro expressions on an isolated tribe who had no contact with the modern world and he realized that we all have the exact same expressions.
No matter our background, education, social circles, sex or race, our faces move in the exact same way! Pretty amazing, yes?
Imagine if you learned to master these, to recognize them! You would definitely be one step ahead all the time!
Ekman broke them down into 7 main micro expressions which show up less than one second on your face, before you can build up the expression that YOU want to show.
Surprise
Fear
Disgust
Anger
Happiness
Sadness
Contempt
These are all the 7 expressions that are deeply rooted in our nature. If you will learn them, you will see how easy it is to read your partner, your friend, your boss and many other people with whom you interact on a daily basis.
Then there is the body language! We communicate with our bodies more than we do it through words. The actual words that we use are 7%, so you could say “I love you” and actually mean “I don’t love you”, right? We all have done it one way or another. We all said something that we didn’t actually mean.
38% of our communication is through our voice and tone. If you listen to a bunch of people who are lying and then you will listen to a group of people who are telling the truth, you will recognize that the ones who lie tend to rise their voice and make unnecessary pauses and so on.
55% of our communication is through our body! From the facial micro expressions that can’t be faked, to the way we stay. Do you stand straight? Do you cross your arms when you talk to someone? Does someone cross his arms? Or legs? Do you lean towards someone when you talk? That means you are interested in that person.
If someone pulls away, then they just don’t really care about what you are saying.
These are all unconscious movements that we make! Learn to master them and you will know exactly how a person is feeling and if they are in the mood of talking or sharing and you will know immediately what to do, saving your time, your energy and why not – your love life!
5. Practice the Power Pose
Knowing all this, now you can do some tricks to be more confident!
The “Power Pose” is a position that you take, that will immediately tell your body that you are in power! You are in control!
Imagine that you are Wonder Woman or any other superhero that you like!
Stand straight, spread your legs until you feel you are very well balanced.
Rise your head, open your arms and place them on your hips. Or go wild: open up your hands and rise them in the air!
If you are alone or in the woods, try yelling a shout of victory! You will see how good does that feel and how your whole body got that boost of confidence!
6. Listen to Empowering Music
You know that music has the power to change your state of mind in just a couple of seconds. So if you are at work or backstage and maybe you can’t shout, place yourself in the power pose and listen to your favorite empowering music!
You can have a song that is linked to a great memory or a personal victory, that will immediately transport you to that moment.
Or listen to “We are the champions” by Queen or some Madonna, Beyonce “You got this, girl!”-songs. We rule the world, we conquer! Those always help!
7. Look Fabulous
There are some famous quotes who will definitely support this step:
Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.
Marilyn Monroe
Dress like you are going to meet your worst enemy today.
Coco Chanel
Clothing always helped to boost confidence or make you believe you are that person, depending on how you dress. Actors most of the time start with the wardrobe when building a character. This is how Chaplin created his famous character. He went into the wardrobe and played with the props! Judi Dench is also an actress who must first find the right shoes of the character and when she found the shoes, she builds her character.
Imagine if you are wearing a huge sophisticated Victorian dress with lots of jewelry and maybe a crown too. Wouldn’t you feel like a queen?
Imagine you are wearing now a sticky torn pair of old jeans and a really old dusty leather jacket. No shoes. You are in a mall. How do you feel?
It all starts from clothing! Build up a style, create your own character! You will feel more confident!
8. Give compliments!
And accept them too! This is very important as you will be instantly liked by the person who you are complimenting!
It shows that you are open, confident and a great person!
Confident people are not threatened by others. Confident people can easily give compliments with all their heart!
Giving will always make you feel better, especially if the other person doesn’t expect it and you will see the genuine surprise and the genuine overall joy.
Hey, nothings costs you to say “You look gorgeous today!”
How would you feel to hear it in the morning from a friend or even a complete stranger? It feels good!
